Misadventures of an Owl Animagus
by AshesGleamandGlow
Summary: This is the tale of Harry's Misadventures as an owl animagus. His sanity at the beginning of sixth year is questionable. AU, one-shot, complete, for round 4 of the QLFC


**_KEEPER:_ Write about someone turning into a household pet (by choice or otherwise) and living as one for a while**

 ** _Character:_ Harry Potter**

 ** _Word count:_ 1,043**

 ** _Inspiration_** ** _was taken from "_ Broken Wings _" by_ Snapegirlkmf _. I absolutely loved that story._**

 ** _000_**

Harry's life had taken a turn for the worst. He'd lost his godfather at the end of fifth year, been told his life was at Fate's whim, and to top it all off, he'd just barely been caught by the Wizarding World's version of animal control while in his animagus form of an owl. It certainly didn't help that he hadn't exactly been able to transform back without help before Sirius died. So now he was stuck as a Sooty Owl, a breed known for being strictly nocturnal, in a loud, cramped, and _smelly_ shop, with his only hope of escape being someone buying him. Great. Just _great_.

"Oh, Mama, I want _this_ one! Isn't she just precious?" Was that? Oh dear, it _was_. Lavender Brown had just insulted his manhood _and_ became his savior! He could tell this wasn't going to end well - _for him._

 ** _000_**

 _Dear Merlin_ , he had to get _away_! He had to find a way to escape! He knew Lavender was a stereotypical girl from school, always obsessing over her looks and whatever boy had caught her eye, but this was insane! It was _insulting!_ Degrading! If anyone ever found out, he'd _never_ live it down! _Why did she cast the body bind spell on him before he could get away?!_

"There! All done! Aren't you the most beautiful owl ever? Pink _really_ suits your feathers, Penelope!"

 _AND WHY DID SHE HAVE TO USE PINK?!_

 ** _000_**

No. No no no _no_. _Nooooo_! He was _DOOMED_ _! Parvati was spending the entire week with the Browns while her family visited their family in India_. Lavender was bad enough on her own! With Parvati, he'd be lucky to ever be able to look at any color besides brown and black again without running - _or flying_ \- away in terror!

 _'Why is this my life?'_ Harry thought in a rare moment of anything _besides_ panic and terror. Who knew girls could be so… _terrifying?_

 ** _000_**

It was official. Harry had developed a phobia of any bright colors and the sound of girls laughing. He'd probably never be able to stay in the same room as Lavender or Parvati once he finally managed to escape, but he was absolutely _fine_ with that.

"Penelope! Time for your mineral feather bath! It's lavender scented this time!"

 _Nooooo_! His escape could _not_ come soon enough!

 ** _000_**

Somehow, _somehow_ , he finally managed to escape. Honestly, he couldn't care less _how_ it happened, just that _he was free_. Harry flew as fast and as far as he could before landing amidst a small grove of trees and coaching himself tirelessly - _for hours on end_ \- through the reverse transformation. Once in human form again, he went to the nearest bus terminal and bought himself a ticket to Charing Cross Road, thankful he _at least_ had enough muggle money on himself to do so at his time of capture. Once there, Harry made his way into the Leaky Cauldron and floo'ed to the Burrow in hopes that he'd be safe from girly girls and overly bright colors.

He'd been caught by the Wizarding animal control within a week or two of being sent back to the Dursleys, and he escaped the week after his birthday. He'd spent just over a _month_ with that crazy bint, and the only _good_ thing to come of it was the knowledge that mineral baths worked wonders on his hair. After his… _experiences_ , though, he'd never be able to stand floral scents again. _If_ he continued using mineral baths for his hair, he would most _definitely_ stay away from _anything_ fruity or flowery. He'd probably go mint or something, maybe spruce or pine. Freshly cut grass, perhaps?

 _Dear Merlin, he'd never be free_. His time under the Browns roof would NOT be remembered fondly.

 ** _000_**

"HOW CAN YOU BE DATING THAT CRAZY BINT, RON?!" Harry roared in terror. Apparently, he had developed a phobia to the name _Lavender_ , as well.

"What are you talking about?! Lavender isn't crazy! And DON'T CALL HER A BINT!" Ron roared back.

Harry flinched at the use of her name. "I've _seen_ things, Ron. _Terrible_ things. I barely escaped with _my life_."

"Stop being overdramatic, Harry!" Hermione scolded, joining her two friends with a book in hand.

"But Hermione, it's the _truth_! She color codes her hair ties! HER HAIR TIES!"

"I know that, Harry, I'm her roommate. The state of our bathroom...," Hermione said, shuddering at the thought of the disaster that was the shared bathroom of the sixth year Gryffindor girls dormitory. "What I want to know, though, is how _you_ know that," she said with a raised eyebrow.

"All I'm going to say is I will do _everything_ in my power to save _any_ and _all_ pets I find out she has!"

Hermione's eyes grew wide then narrowed as she realized what he wasn't saying. "Harry James Potter, you better not have seen anything!"

"If you're talking about the many ways a teenage girl can torture innocent animals, then I've seen plenty!"

"So you didn't see-"

"For merlin's sake, Hermione, I swear on my life and magic, the ONLY things I saw were TORTURE methods disguised as BEAUTY PRODUCTS and CLOTHES!"

Nodding in satisfaction, she said, "Good. I hope you've learned your lesson, though!"

"Oh, I have!" Harry said in faux enthusiasm. "I've finally learned what it takes to tame my hair!"

"That's not what I - UGH!!" Hermione threw her hands up in frustration before storming off.

Harry turned to look at Ron. Ron was staring at Harry with wide eyes. "Blimey, mate. I've never seen Hermione blow up like that before."

Harry grinned slightly. Maybe he'd be alright after all.

"Parvati! Penelope's _still_ missing! I never even got to introduce her to Won-Won!" came the sound of Lavender's voice from the girls dorms.

He'd spoken too soon. _'I'll never be free from her, will I? I may be featherless, but still her voice haunts me! Merlin's beard, I can even SMELL_ _her from HERE_

 ** _The End_**


End file.
